Semi-Dead

A while back Southern Fried Movie obtained an official press release from Chris Wiltz who is the writer for the Web Series Semi-Dead (located at: www.semi-dead.com) so far the show has its third episode posted and the series looks to be a major success. The shows two principal characters are Joe and Chris. Both are former military trying to make it in a zombie society. Chris has no problems with the zombies because he is oblivious to the situation while Joe is trying to cope with the entire situation the best way he knows how: Kicking Ass.

Since I do not know the final outcome of the series I will not give any episode by episode details away. But please check it out.


WWW.Semi-Dead.COM

Status of the Site

I know its been a while, but things come up that can't be avoided. To those that still follow us(me) here at Southern Fried Movie, thanks. I promise after 2010 begins the site will pick up some more and a better explanation will be given. I've got a lot on my mind today, and a review to do so stay tuned.

The Taste of Flesh

WARNING THIS REVIEW CONTAINS FOUL LANGUAGE DUE TO THE OVERALL SHITTYNESS OF THE MOVIE REVIEWED.

Ah, the first week of summer vacation. What are four lovely girls that love showing off their shitty acting abilities and their love of baring their breasts, drinking margaritas and taking ecstasy to do? I know lets go to a rave because someone put a piece of paper on your windshield!

I can’t believe I actually sat through 78 minutes of a movie that makes Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things an Oscar worthy movie. This movie is by far the WORST movie I have ever seen in my past 25 years of movie watching experiences. This movie has ZERO good qualities. The only “Gore” in the movie is in the opening scene when a bare chested teen falls into what is by far the worst looking “razor wire” in cinematic history. All of the movies violent scenes take place off camera which I am normally a big advocate of if you cannot afford the special effects, this is just epic failure all around. The lighting and camera work is subpar. Imagine if the kids from Blair Witch Project teamed up with the lighting guys from Hostel. This movie actually looks like it was filmed on a Sony Handycam mini-DVD recorder.

So far I have not covered much of a plot and that is because there isn’t one. Basically after 8 minutes of the worst dialogue I have ever heard the four girls take an ecstasy pill and enter a rave that nobody is at, in which the girls soon realize the ecstasy was in fact a roofie and they all fall asleep. One by one they wake up, where they are stalked and rendered unconscious by “The Hunter” (Scott Hall) who takes them to “The Chef” (Nathan Todaro) who proceeds to dismember the coeds while they are alive because it makes the meat taste better. The Chef continually states that The Hunter eats the meat and doesn’t care what it tastes like but since he is a culinary genius he takes pride in what he prepares. The only recipe that we hear of is “Human Tongue on White Bread”, I’m not sure but I think even Rachel Ray could come up with something tastier than some skank whore’s tongue on some wonder bread.

As far as extras on the DVD there were a lot of options given but I got the DVD out of the player as fast as I could for fear of contaminating the rest of my library of films. From what the box says it has trailers to other movies from the Production Company as well as link to the myspace page of the production company. This movie is by far the worst pile of shit I have ever seen I am ashamed that I actually own this disc and it wasn’t a rental.

Changes to Southern Fried Horror

Following the email responses to the last post and from personal feelings. Southern Fried Horror will now be known as Southern Fried Movie. I am going complete "B" movie whether it is horror, comedy, drama or hybrids. I hope you my loyal fan base will stay here at SFM, as I have a lot in store. I just feel that by including more movies in the review database and more commentary on Hollywood in general I can reach a larger audience.


More to come later in the day.

Going with the Crowd

Recently my comments about the Saw franchise seemed to touch a nerve with several people as well as a tweet piss contest over my opinions on the movie Trick R' Treat. It got me thinking that maybe I am not a mainstream horror fan. Sure I like classic movies that the horror masses enjoyed like Friday the 13th, Child's Play and Hellraiser. But I can't help but get the feeling that the current genre of "A" horror has gone over my head.

I recently watched two movies that Twitter has toted as the greatest movies of the year: Trick R' Treat and Paranormal Activity. I couldn't have cared less about the movies. Sure Trick R' Treat had a few good scenes but I was bored with a majority of the flick. Paranormal Activity reminds me too much of the commercial teasers for Ghosthunters on the SCI-FI Channel.

I am not sure what is going to happen to me with doing reviews of current "A" list horror, I mean there are a ton of great "B" Flicks from the past that can get reviewed but who wants to read reviews on movies that have been out for 25 years or more?


Let me know what you want me to write about. Do you want more rants on the current industry, retro movie reviews or a hybrid of the two. I enjoy writing and will write to you my audience.

Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead

As I have stated in the past if there is one thing I love more than zombies its zombie chickens. Wait I don’t think I’ve ever said that but after last night’s viewing of Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead I sure am saying it now.

After the first 15 minutes of this movie I must say I almost (ALMOST) hit eject and said screw Brutal as Hell I can’t watch this crap. Something about watching Jason Yachanin who is an almost dead ringer for Clay Akin get fingered by a corpse made me want to stop reviewing movies all together. I am glad I stuck around however, I had no idea going into this movie that it was a musical. I just thought it was going to be a cheesy spoof movie on Poltergeist and Night of the Living Dead. I was laughing so hard during this movie I had to take two hits off my inhaler from laughing so hard. This movie is by far the BEST movie Kaufman has ever made and were talking about the guy that helped with Orgasmo and the Toxic Avenger Series. But onto the flick:

Our story opens with our main characters Arbie and Wendy making love in an old Native American graveyard, with the promise being made that when Wendy leaves for college she won’t change and will always love Arbie. Flash forward six months Wendy returns from college a lesbian with a knack for protesting chicken restaurants and targets the one Arbie works at, along with is friends Paco Bell (A homosexual Mexican), Humus (A proud Muslim woman), and Carl Jr (Inbred animal lover) the group works for Denny (token Militant black guy) who dreams of opening his own chain of restaurants one day named Dennys. I know for a fact someone right now is reading this going your shitting me, but no these are our characters love it or not.
Unfortunately for everyone the restaurant is built on that same Native American burial ground and the restless Indian spirits have merged with the restless chicken spirits and have began an epic revolt that I’m not sure if even Bruce Campbell could stop. Several songs and dances later the customers who have either eaten the tainted chicken or been pecked to death by the other zombie chickens start attacking the fast food chicken shack. This leaves our hapless heroes to try and defend the place for Truth Justice and American Chicken Shack, sort of. Lord knows if I had a job making $3.15 an hour I would want to defend it too!

Eventually with the help of Paco Bell who is now a Gay Mexican Sloppy Jose sandwich (once again I’m not making this up) our remaining heroes find a way to stop the evil zombie chickens but will they have enough time? Your going to have to pick up the DVD to find out, and this DVD is worth it. Just make sure you get the TROMA DVD and not the Chinese bootleg. Kaufman has a 15 minute speech at the beginning of the DVD explaining what is wrong with the bootleg and why you should always buy the authentic DVD, this alone is worth the asking price of the movie.

I can’t really say this is a 5 star movie, can’t really say it’s a 4 star either. But if you want a great get inebriated (whatever your method hey I don’t judge) this is the flick for you.

Beware Trailer is Not Safe For Work. Nice Ron Jeremy Cameo too.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter a Review

JESUS CHRIST VAMPIRE HUNTER…..Jesus Christ.

I have reviewed some B-Movies in my day but this was the B-Movie. Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is the type of movie that makes you stand up and take notice of independent horror flicks and appreciate those movies that are diamonds in the rough. This really is not one of those movies. While this movie won several awards at film festivals it makes me wonder what the competition was.

The plot is pretty straight forward, there are day walking vampires in NYC and they are attacking and transforming all of the lesbians into vampires and there is only one hope for the lesbian population, that’s right Jesus H. Christ. The movie is basically horror, kung fu (I use that term very VERY loosely) and comedy. It has a lot of good ideas but the acting is just not there. It kind of reminds me of a high school drama club making a movie and getting it distributed. With a little bit of work on the acting and fighting choreography this could have been a great indie horror flick up there with Razor Blade Smile. This movie just tried too hard in my opinion to incorporate Jesus Christ Superstar and Blade. The comedic value of this movie is worth a watch though as watching Jesus fight 100 Atheists and Agnostics is just humorous as anything I’ve seen in a while. This movie has a lot of potential for anyone that likes camp and b-movies just beware the acting.

All in all I would give the movie a watch if you can get your hands on it just to laugh at it, I watched it on my online Netflix account so I didn’t get to see any part of the DVD and it killed a couple of hours of insomnia.